


The silence is deafening my heart

by pseudofoucault333



Series: ROK Standalones [3]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Intoxication, Masturbation, Post Season 5, Post: s05e22 Not Fade Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-22
Updated: 2012-02-22
Packaged: 2017-10-31 14:15:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudofoucault333/pseuds/pseudofoucault333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Faith's reaction to finding out that Wesley's dead and her reminiscing about a secret interlude they once shared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The silence is deafening my heart

**Author's Note:**

> I thought it about time I start to post some of my works from various fandoms here from LJ. Though if you want to comment on it on LJ please [click here](http://livin-dead69.livejournal.com/93613.html#cutid1). I'd appreciate any comments due to this being my first time posting on AO3. :) Also this is unbeta'd so I apologise for any mistakes made xo

**Title:** The silence is deafening my heart [s/a]  
**Author:** **Fandom:** Angel [with twinges of Buffy the vampire slayer pushed in there if you squint]  
**Pairing/character:** Faith/Wesley  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Prompt:** Faith's reaction to finding out that Wesley's dead and her reminiscing about a secret interlude they once shared. prompted by **Kink:** Intoxication, Remembrance, masturbation  
**Notes/Warnings:** It's been a while since I've been in some parts of the Whedonverse and I'm a bit rusty with Angel in particular....just a warning. No Beta so any mistakes that are made are my own.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters, I'm just playing with them for my own sick twisted pleasure :) Title  & cut © Halestorm 

 

It had come as a shock....sitting in her house with a couple of slayers and hearing the phone ring. She didn’t usually get many phone calls and those that she did were sales men or surveyors. But most by now have been threatened by her enough times to get the message. This time it was different and she only had to take a glance at the caller id to see why. A Los Angeles number and there was only a few people that she knew from Los Angeles. But the reason as to why they would call her was unknown.

“Angel...hey I didn’t expect to be hearing from you what with the new job.” She pushed the smile into her voice as she made the journey back into the kitchen, perching herself on a bar stool while continuing to flick through the book she’d been looking through.

“Yeah it’s definitely been a while. But I’m afraid I have some bad news.” The dip in Angel’s voice at the last two words made her stop in mid gesture and frown as she pushed a piece of paper in between the pages she was looking at, closing the book with a thud.

“Ok....out with it Angel what’s happened?” She couldn’t seem to stop her old persona from shining through when she knew how much this was killing the vampire.

“There was a huge fight...at Wolfram and Hart and well....” he paused like he couldn’t find the words and she seemed to find herself on the edge of her seat waiting for his next group of words. But they weren’t what she was expecting in any way, “Wesley’s dead Faith.”

Her heart felt like a stake had pierced it and she rested her hand on the counter to steady herself. She had never expected she would feel like this about the loss of her ex watcher and friend, but it really was worse than any injury she had ever experienced before. The tears were building, blood was running cold through her veins and she could feel herself beginning to shake as the news sunk in a little more with each second that passed. 

_Wesley’s dead Faith._

She wanted to demand what had happened, how _he_ had let this happen not to mention how Wesley had got himself in to such a dangerous situation to begin with but none of those words wanted to flow from her tongue. So she settled for the next best thing.

“How?” she asked, in a weak voice that had Angel swallowing guiltily on the other end of the phone.

“Long story short? He was one of the few of us who wanted to anything possible to help the rest of us get out of Wolfram and Hart.....”

Her gaze cast to the counter, four slender fingers raking through her mass of curly brown hair all shaking against the scalp and making her close her eyes to calm down a little more. Angel seemed to be able to interpret the silence better than she could have expected. Like he’d known how she felt and how the English male had felt and it killed him to be the one to deliver the bad news because she heard him whisper “I’m so Sorry Faith.”

She managed to swallow the sob gathering in the back of her throat and nod against the phone to try and reassure him without saying a word that she appreciated his effort, for taking the time to call her himself instead of pawning the responsibility off on someone else. She took a couple more breaths before speaking. “Thanks for telling me. What’s going to happen to his body?”

Angel seemed to pause again like he knew this next piece of news would push her over the edge before his soothing tone was back in her ear. “It was burned up in the fire. There’s nothing salvageable let alone recognisable to be buried.”

She’d known it has been a long shot that there would some place to put him so she could have a sense of peace and a place to grieve on her off days but it didn’t stop the knowledge from feeling like another stake hitting her heart.

“I’m so sorry Faith...I just....”

“I know....thank you Angel. I’ve got to go but give my best to the others. Bye.”

She hung up before Angel could ask if she was Ok and put the phone on the counter to make sure she could restrain the urge to smash it against the wall in frustration and misery. It wouldn’t change anything. Wesley would still be dead. Her knees began to buckle, to try and persuade her to give into her need to collapse on the floor and sob her eyes out like a widow but she managed to postpone it a little longer by grabbing a bottle of vodka and a glass. She walked up the stairs to her room, ignoring the group of other girls who had sensed something was wrong and came to check on her. 

The brunette slayer managed to slam the door and push a spare chair under the door knob before leaning against the nearest wall and sinking to the floor. The bottle thudded as she put it and the glass on the floor to one side all the while the tears finally making an appearance down her cheeks in long trails of bleeding mascara as she hugged her legs tightly to her chest. Once the tears had subsided from her system and she’d wiped every trace of the tears from her face with her sleeve, her shaking hand opened the bottle. She poured enough of the see-through liquid to make up at least two shots into the bottom of the glass and swirled it around thoughtfully as she remembered the few times she had drunk in his presence and how his reactions had changed over the years.

In the beginning, when he’d been a snooty up-himself watcher and her a rogue slayer/high school dropout, he’d been horrified, making some remark about how it wasn’t becoming for a woman let alone a slayer to be so crude. Then there had been her need for a drink after tying him up and torturing him at a random guy’s apartment as part of bait to trap and kill Angel for Wolfram and Hart, mostly consisting of a snippy comment only the tone was less dignified, the remnants and strain of pain etched into his voice. Years passed and the next encounter had been after the night of failure. He’d helped her bust out of Prison to help save Angel and kill the Beast but it seemed like it was all for nothing as he helped her back to his apartment covered in blood.

Her body had been a mass of raw nerves while it was healing and normally it was nothing that she wasn’t used to. But after spending so long in prison where physical assaults on her were less than common it still felt unusual to experience the repairing of bones and skin being healed before her eyes. After her shower and despite assuring him she was fine she’d seen him raise an eyebrow silently questioning if that was the truth as he downed a mouthful of Scotch before offering her a pre-poured one. She’d wanted to decline but it had been such a long day and she had needed something to take the ease off. She’d taken the glass from him and sat on his couch, watching out the corner of her eye as he poured himself another. They hadn’t said anything to the other, just downed the burning liquid and let the silence hang around them. It had been a comfort and made her realise for the second time since he’d given her the excuse to bust out that he’d changed so much. She’d wanted to ask what had happened to make him be this way but he’d disturbed the silence and stated they go back to the hotel with the usual finality in his voice as he gathered the glasses and bottle.

Then there was the last time she’d seen him before Willow dragged her back to the Hellmouth before it all turned to shit. It had been at the hotel, when everyone else was sleeping, she’d been cleaning and replacing the weapons in their proper places and spotted Wesley tidying the books in the office behind the old reception desk. She’d offered him a drink which he gave a tired smile to but declined with a simple shake of the head before turning back to the task at hand. Shrugging it off, she’d called goodnight over her shoulder and heard his clipped English accent echo her words.

But the whole night she couldn’t sleep and it was something she knew she’d have to get used to with her several months worth of prison routine about to be turned upside down by the time she and Willow got back. Reluctantly after two hours of tossing and turning, and despite how much she knew she needed the sleep, she got up to lurk the halls of the hotel to maybe grab a snack and stare at the LA skyline until the sun came up. But as she had been walking down the hall towards the main staircase that was when the sounds and the English tinted voice saying her name entered her ears. A frown appeared on her face as she followed the noise to the open door to a room amongst the several others surrounding it with unhinged doors. 

She slowly edged herself into the room and took a moment to take in the mess it contained around her. It was definitely one of the worst for wear she’d seen on the floor, the vast majority of the furniture was bashed into pieces scattered around the room or bundled into a corner so the only piece intact and in place was the double bed covered in an old floral bedspread and pillows. A brown leather jacket was thrown on to one pillow and a half empty bottle of scotch was balanced unevenly on the narrow shelf above the top of the headboard.

_Wesley?_

She managed to edge around the bed and not attract any splinters or stray pieces of glass into the soles of her bare feet as she approached the other door inside the room to the bathroom. Her ex watcher was stood at the toilet with his blindingly stormy blue eyes closed, jeans unzipped and calloused fingers curled around and pumping his cock for all he was worth. He kept whispering and groaning her name under his breath, tilting his head back in ecstasy as though in his fantasy she was kissing his neck while giving him the hand job.Her mind was whirling in shock at the sight before her but at the same time she could feel a sense of uneasy longing building in the pit of her stomach and steadily descending lower.

_Why hadn’t he said anything if that was how he really felt?_

Yet gradually the sense of realisation at interrupting his personal time entered her consciousness and she knew she should leave him to it and pretend she hadn’t seen it. She managed to back track into the bedroom, even though the image remained burned on her retina, and grab the bottle of scotch to down a few mouthfuls. She paused to wipe the scotch from her lips with the back of her hand and then replace the bottle when she heard the footsteps behind her, causing her to stiffen.

“Faith....what are you....” He started, zipping his fly as an afterthought though the look on her face probably told him what she couldn’t make herself say out loud to him. He seemed to let it soak it in for a few seconds before realisation covered his features and he tried to make her speak to him again. “Wait....did you just.....”

“I’m sorry....I should....I should go.” She stuttered, only taking a few steps towards the door out to the corridor when she felt Wesley’s hand wrap around her wrist, spinning her around so she was looking at him.

“Faith....wait....”

“I was just going to make a snack and I heard you....” she said softly, praying that gave him all he needed to know without making her go into how she was feeling which would make things worse.

“So you came to....” he asked, meeting her gaze as he slowly pulled her towards him.

“Yes....and I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have....I....”

But before another mass of rambled words that made up an apology could flow from her lips her body was pulled closer in one swift motion so she could stare into the stormy blue eyes that seemed to be piercing into her soul. It caused a chill to flow through every inch of her body. There was a second of silence before her lips collided with his, the moan in the back of his throat screaming want and the need for more. His tongue pried her lips apart and the collision of the two tongues gliding together made her dig her fingernails into the material covering the back to make him deepen it and make it more intoxicating. His fingers raked through her hair, pulling out the hair tie, containing her curls into a ponytail, and throwing it across the room so he could brush the brown strands behind her ears and feel the velvety strands across his fingertips. 

Once the two pulled back for air, Faith found herself watching his face through her eyelashes for any sense of shame or guilt but there was none. His eyes had got brighter with arousal and his hands were trailing down the thin material of the singlet covering her torso as though wishing it was gone, which seemed to give her the answer she was looking for in a nutshell without a word. Her hands moved to rest behind his head as she jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist and causing Wesley’s hands to rest under her backside as their lips met again with a lot more eagerness. Somehow Wesley still managed to move while his mind and lips were occupied, the sound of the glass shards crunching under his boots confirming her suspicions. 

Once they were in close enough range of the bed he pried his lips away and set her on the bed as he undressed. For some reason she had always imagined Wesley to be a shy cautious lover and yet as she watched him throw items of clothing across the room and kick his boots off it was obvious that that side of him had disappeared long ago. She managed to remove her clothes in a similar fashion, throwing them in the direction of the door and soon laying on the bed watching him stand before her in his boxers. 

Yet the light from the hall gave her a closer look at the scar across his neck which she had only heard about from Angel while in prison. In a strange kind of way it felt to her like a magnet, her gaze was drawn to it even when the rest of his body to a point just as imperfect. She tore herself from her thoughts when she heard the door to the room thud closed and watched him crawl across the bed until he was above her with his legs either side of her thighs. Her plain brown eyes met the stormy depths of his for a second before he pressed a gentler kiss to her lips, which became the spark that lit the fire. His lips traced every inch of skin on her form from her forehead to the soles of her feet, sometimes alternating between kissing and licking her skin that had her wriggling and restraining the urge to giggle like a school girl. Finally his lips came back to rest on hers, his hands grazing her curves as he guided her legs around his waist making her realise somewhere along the way he’d removed his boxers while she wasn’t looking. 

She bit her lip as their gazes met and felt him thrust inside her all the way to her very core causing her back to arch against the mattress and a moan to immerge from her lips. Her legs tightened their grip around his waist while her hands pressed on the back of his neck to bring his lips back to her own which he did willingly so the pants from their mouths were swallowed. The rhythm of his thrusts against her hips seemed to match the sensations of pleasure that ripped through the nerves in her body over and over until she could feel the orgasm building. Her back began to click the more her back arched against the mattress into a position she wasn’t sure was even possible for a slayer and finally the orgasm took her over, the aftershocks continuing as he kept moving to reach his own. When he did, never had her name sounded so good before until she heard it in his half-hazard broken English accent.Her hips jerked in process when he pulled out of her, leaving her feeling empty, before rolling on to the bed beside her. She rolled on to her side and felt the afterglow set into her mind while she let the memory soak in on those nights when they would be apart. 

She felt Wesley roll over to face her back, his arms wrapped around her bare waist beneath the covers and his bruised lips press a kiss to the side of her neck. Her body was so spent that she didn’t even think about it until she heard him whisper in a soothing way, “Please be careful in the Hellmouth Faith. I don’t know what I would do without you.” He’d pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck and that was the last thing she remembered before submerging into sleep. When she woke later that morning he was gone and she was left hugging her legs to her chest and wondering if it was all a dream.

He hadn’t exactly helped set her mind at ease when she went down to breakfast, avoiding her gaze and using every excuse in the book not to be in the same room with her for the rest of the day while she packed and caught up on things with Willow she knew it would probably never be the same. That she might never see him again if the battle with the first evil went to hell....but he knew the risks as much as she did. When the time came for her to say her goodbyes to everyone she wanted to try and catch one with him but he was still avoiding her. He’d merely given a smile and a brief hug before turning back to his work leaving her to wait for Willow to say her own goodbyes. Then they’d walked out the door and that had been it.

Years later she had still thought about that night. About what it represented and if he still had those feelings for her but she’d never found the courage to ask and now she never would. Muffling a sob with her forearm Faith closed her eyes for a second to toast silently to her ex watcher, lover and friend before downing the vodka. The bitterness of the alcohol didn’t make the news anymore bearable and now she had gone down memory lane it seemed to hurt twice as much. With a click the glass was replaced beside the bottle on the wooden floor and she heard the other slayers knocking on the door, calling her name and asking what was wrong before she heard one of them say ‘Maybe we should call Buffy?” But even talking to the blonde wouldn’t help she knew it for a fact.

She was a slayer, in a world without the one man who had understood her. What was she going to do now?


End file.
